Im calm and collected... im not angry..
I refuse to inhale the detriments of life.. im happy..
I refuse to be agitated.. im thinking of you..

Thanks for being in my life..

Melbourne... Australia...

Sitting at the desk, going through a product list of "what Melbourne has to offer!". I scan through the pictures.. And they are pictures of the botanical gardens.. Brighton beach... Southbank.. St kilda.... mount dandenong... Mornington... As it is ... I'm already feeling so depressed that I'm now sitting at a desk from 9 to 6.. My job is now constantly reminding me of what I left behind... .... God I sound like a middle aged man whose wife and kids left me in a faraway place... I'm actually not... Thankfully..

I just can't help having nostalgic flashbacks of only a few weeks ago... I miss it so much... I miss walking around.. Without concerning on sweat.. I miss the beaches... I miss walking in the city... I miss the air... I miss looking at the clear blue sky complimented by the horizons of the ocean... I miss the ice... The people... I can't wait to go back... I really feel like that's home now.. Sighs..

I miss holding hands...

Nice.. Indeed..

The weather was perfect, sunny yet not hot, temperature was around 20 with a nice breeze to balance the day out.. Seemed like a day destined for park strolls or perhaps even building sandcastles. That day I decided to take a drive to the park, walked for awhile and found a place under a tree. Laid down and closed my eyes, I could feel rays from the sun trying to penetrate through the gaps between the leaves, birds in song in tune with natures orchestra.., and the sound of leaves ruffling in the wind hehe I could have fallen asleep.. True enough, that's what happened.. I thought to myself, hmm nice weather.. Nice weather indeed..

In the car I heard this song being played over and over again.. The tune was eventually embedded Into my head. The thing that really intrigued my thoughts was how a simple tune that complemented simple words left an impression of perfection.. Though the lyrics were kinda cheesy and cliche'd in a way but they say what I usually can't.. During the oddest of times, the song plays on the radio and I'm constantly reminded of what I'm missing.. I thought to myself, hmm nice song.. Nice song indeed..

I went over to get a glass of water and as i turned to the outside, I saw her sitting there, her silhouette perfectly within my view as the sun was setting behind her.. Yet again the rays of the evening sun were trying to penetrate the partially drawn blinds. Her face was barely visible because of the glare at that point.. Funny, how that song was ringing in my head.. I smirked to myself thinking wow.. Quite a view I have.. Hehe i walked on over and approached her byherside, by then I was close enough to see her face clearly.. Every curve, every line.. At this time I realized that I've been looking at her one moment too long, she asked why I'm staring at her.. my answer was always the same.. In fact, I was in admiration.. Admiring her look, her smile.. I thought to myself, nice eyes, nice lips.. nice girl.. Nice girl indeed hehe

Today... I yearn for her presence.. I wanna see those eyes, those curves, those lips...

The simplest and smallest of things can turn your day around sometimes no matter how bad a day can turn.. You just need to start noticing.. Thats something I learned a long time ago.. I'm waiting now..

even the stars in the night die..

Sitting on the balcony.. the thought of life... my life.. came into mind.. again.. everything that happened in the past 12 months have been so ... bittersweet.. I miss my grandma~ i miss my aunt Kimmy... i know life is unpredictable.. thats the beauty of the world we live in! we can never anticipate what happens in the future.. afterall ... everything happens for a reason no? but why must it happen the way it did? this i cant comprehend... this goes to show how fast life can be taken from right under our noses.. i tend to not show the weaker side of me.. but i hate this so much.. i hate it that im starting to lose the people i hold dearly to me.. im afraid of losing the next one.. it pains... i tell myself everyday.. for the past 12 months, life has to go on.. the world does'nt stop spinning... time doest wait for anyone...

I hope God can continue to grant the strength and will to my dear uncle to move on.. the thought of him losing his wife, his soulmate, his best friend gets me depressed sometimes.. i cant even think about losing any of my friends.. let alone.. someone that has your life centered around.. this sort of predicament should only happen in movies! i wish i could refuse to think of it as part of life... life is beautiful.. life is wonderful.. but i hate this part of life.. i try to think of other things.. keep myself busy, just trying to get my head sorted out.. i try to surround myself with people i care about..... people who make me happy... people i enjoy being around with.. it really helps... and i thank them for it.. i used to complicate thoughts on people.. but now i see a different light.. life is so short.. and we are not so significant.. and, turns out.. its only complicated when u think it is.. truth is.. its much more simple.. time to live.. live life to the fullest.. and make do with whatever time u have with the people u love... talk to them twice as much.. hug them twice as long.. and remind them how important they are in your life..

i appreciate it now..

u are reading this....

if u are.. ure slacking and not studying!!! shooooh! go and study!

You are now 35. You wake up, you clean yourself, you make your bed. You pickup your things. You go out the driveway. You go to work from 8 till 5. You come back home raged because you have to go through heavy traffic. You eat a microwave-heated meal, watch TV perhaps for a few hours. You get ready to sleep and the whole process .. repeats itself.. come weekend.. you hope to meet your friends, you hope there are events that may deter yourself from reality. The harshness of the real world. Suddenly out of the blue, you receive an invitation to a party. You attend, you go to your table and you take your sit. You hear a commotion in the background. You glance to the back only to see a rowdy group of youths sitting at a corner, playing cards and drinking hard liquor as if to have not a worry in the world. You look back at your friends. They start to denounce the group of youths. You join in to avoid the awkwardness of not being the silent one. But you are actually thinking, if only. Now you think, I cant drink because I had liver problems; not from drinking but from a hereditary disease; since 25. I can't party because I'm tied down to my 8-10 hour job. Now you think back.. to when you were a youth yourself.. How my life would have been different if I jumped off that plane... tragic.. but you live..

we only live once.. we are only 21 once.. time to live..

last weekend was awesome, i had a great outing.. went to bars the mainstream crowd would never have thought about at all.. the plan was to go to 21 bars, ended up with only 2 hahah.. but we had a lot to drink and met alot of people.. all in all.. fun!




Never saw the chemistry that was there with you and me
Its been a long time coming

It’s freaking me out, that I didn't see
That you're so damn hot girl, It's just crazy
And without a doubt I still can’t believe
That you were right there in front of me

Never saw the chemistry that was there with you and me
It’s been a long time coming

Just waiting on an angel to take me out of my hell
I’m falling for you
Just DROPPING out of thin air
You came out of nowhere right out of the blue
When heaven sent you

Night after night, when I didn’t sleep
But that was before you lay beside me
When all of my demons were dancing with me
I’m glad you came down ‘cause I was in too deep

Never saw the chemistry that was there with you and me
It’s been a long time coming

Just waiting on an angel to take me out of my hell
I’m falling for you
Just DROPPING out of thin air
You came out of nowhere right out of the blue
When heaven sent you

Just waiting on an angel to take me out of my hell
I’m falling for you
Just DROPPING out of thin air
You came out of nowhere right out of the blue

Just waiting on an angel to take me out of my hell
I’m falling for you
Just DROPPING out of thin air
You came out of nowhere right out of the blue

Right out of the blue
When heaven sent you
Right out of the blue
When heaven sent you


I was just listening to this song by hinder.. and i thought of posting it up.. i just liked a few words.. thats all heheh...






''Sitting beside me, she laughed. I told her then, that she had different smiles to her. The one I loved most was when she smiled and twitched her nose at the same time. That smile was one I was longing to see everyday, it always seemed like a new reason to be there beside her..''